BHS Stop Harassing

Everyone's experiences with sexual harassment are unique, but it can be empowering to share what you went through and see that you are not alone. Submit your own story to have it posted below, and scroll down to read others'.

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Stories

Jessica

At school, once we were dismissed I went to take a picture a guy in my class stood behind me for a while then just grabbed my butt. I turned around and said stop, and tried to slap him but it didn’t work. I ended up knocking his glasses off. He tried again to grab my butt and I kept saying stop. I felt so terrible in myself I started crying, and skipped school the next few days. Then he sent me text messages that were utterly disgusting and I just ignored him for months. Then my friend one day told the teacher and they decided to have me switch classes in April. In a way I was happy I felt safe but I didn’t feel afraid anymore and vulnerable and am so happy I decided to switch classes so I could heal on my own.

Slay Queen

So recently this guy A [name removed for anonymity] in my rotation (I'm in 6th grade) added me on snap chat and he started to ask me out I said no because i'm to young to date and then he started harassing me over text by saying stuff like he would only leave me alone if I hugged, kissed, make-out, and let him grab my ass he will leave me alone. He told me why he ran into me in the hallway so he can feel my ass and he said it felt good and now he is texting me all the time saying dumb stuff like he loves me and he wants to sleep with me. It really was grossing me out and I didn't like it one bit. This has all been happening in one weekend so I'm kinda scared to go to school so I don't have to face him, but I will just try to ignore him the best I can.

Helen

I was babysitting last night, I wanted to have some company so I had a supposed 'friend' come over and keep me company. I hadn't seen him in a while (I'm a girl) and we were just talking and catching up, and he starts trying to grope my boobs, and kiss me, I couldn't get him off me and he wouldn't stop. I kept saying 'no, stop. I can't' over and over and he wouldn't listen to me. I cried all the way home. Passed out at work and had a panic attack too. He's blocked me on everything and I can't tell anyone as I'm getting with somebody who I appreciate loads. I'm scared to tell him just in case I lose him. I keep having anxiety and panic attacks. Can someone tell me if I've been sexually assaulted?

*Note from BHSSH: This is definitely sexual assault! If you want a confidential, safe adult to talk to before taking any action with the school, contact BHS Stop Harassing's adult adviser, Rebecca Levenson. Her email is [email protected] If this is affecting your ability to feel safe at school, please contact the BUSD Title IX Coordinator, Dana Clark. Her email is [email protected]

Remington

So...last year, in grade 7, a boy in my class asked me out. I said no and that I was only interested in being friends. He seemed fine with that and we were really good friends. Towards the end of the year he started brushing up against places like my bottom and breasts, things like that. This year (grade 8) we are still in the same class. It really started when he started playing with my feet with his feet under the table. Then he started rummaging in my lunch which was in my lap! He kept insisting on giving me piggy backs, he started grabbing my thighs trying to pull me onto his back. Then the staring started. He would stare at me for minutes with no expression! I asked him what he was doing and he denied it. He did this multiple times and still does it. When I ignore him or am more interested in something else he calls me fat and ugly. One time I was sitting on a couch when he pushed himself right against me. I moved away and he did it again. This happened heaps of times. I got so freaked out by the staring the touching, this was also during class, I asked the teacher if I could move desks. The next lesson he asked me why I moved, I told him the other person wanted to move (which is true) and he moved next to me again. I ended up having severe anxiety attacks. I told a teacher. After I had this long relieving conversation with her he came up to me and persisted to ask what it was about. I said, "None of your beeswax!" His friend started pulling him away and even then he wouldn't go away. The teacher talked and straightened him out. He has said a couple of creepy things to me since so I don't know if it is over.

Everytime he does something I say no. He still keeps creeping toward me smiling wider each time. I say no again and he grins, says "What?", then leaves. He did this exact same thing when he touched my bikini bottoms. Why doesn't he know the word NO?!

IB Freshman

My parents refuse to let me see a therapist for depression and I don't trust the councilors at school. I feel like they will tell my parents everything if I confess some things, and my parents will hate me.

IB Freshman

I identify as bisexual. I've known this for awhile now but I haven't come out to anyone. I don't feel safe enough to come out at home or school, even though I know some of my friends wouldn't judge me. often times I feel hopeless, like I'll never get the courage to come out and I'll continue pretending to be straight.

Beatrice

one of my best friends was choked and raped in her house by a senior boy that came in uninvited.

Sophomore

I was walking down the C hallway after class had already started so the halls were empty, when a group of guys I had never seen before moved towards me and started shouting about how they wanted to fuck me and that I had a nice ass. When I ignored them, they called me racist and followed me to class.

No Name

I was in class and a group of boys seemed to be talking about me the whole class. At the end I went up to turn in an assignment and one of the boys came up touched my butt. I don't know if my teacher saw but if they did or any of the other students, no one said anything.

BHS Female Student

I hooked up with this guy and he sent all of my nudes to his friends and they called me a slut and then about a month later he asked me if I wanted to hook up again and I said no, and he called me a bitch.

Secret Girl

There was this guy I liked. We would always text and talk to each other. Some of my friends and his would think we were dating. One day he said he was gonna touch my butt and he did. He kept doing it. So about a week later, we both admitted to each other that we like each other. I was so happy. The day after that he stayed after school and so did I. He followed me around, but I told him to go to his after school club. He did and left. Then he texted me saying that he was all alone at his club. I told him to go where I was so he wasn't alone. He did and I left my club to talk to him. I went to the bathroom to check myself and he also went inside the girls bathroom. He dropped his backpack. I was about to ask him why when he grabbed me harshly saying that I should suck his d***. I kept saying let me go and no. I kept trying to get out of his grip. He still wouldn't let go. I was wearing a dress that day with a low neckline. He put his hand down my dress, touching my boob. I continued to squirm, trying to get out. I was trapped. I kept on coming up with excuses to try and get away. He would be like it's fine or you'll enjoy it. I got out of his grip and ran out of the bathroom as fast as I could. I thought he wasn't like any other hormonal teenage guy in my school. I was wrong. I was so scared. I was traumatized. I have anxiety and Post traumatic stress diaorder (sic) because of him. I liked him so much. Now I'm heartbroken with PTSD and anxiety. I can't be in the same room or I'll have a panic attack. I can't look at him the same way I used to. I can't look at myself the same way. I feel disgusted. When l got home, I cried and cut. I took the hottest shower I could to get the feeling of him off me. It wasn't working. Nothing work. I still have the feeling. The memory and feeling will never go away. It will forever be in my memory. I will always remember him.

Anonymous

Okay well I have loads of stories to tell so yeh, first off imma start by saying I'm 14 in year 9. The first time I expirenced sexual harrasment was when I was 12/13. I have a naturally big bum so I can't help it. There's boys in my class especially one that would touch my legs going further upwards and I would move away but they would carry on. One of th boys groped my bum so I turned to him and he said sorry it was an accident. But it wasn't because he full on squeezed it. Another time this was a few weeks ago, a boy kept telling me I have a nice ass and his friends want to take my virginity. I obviously swore at him because he was getting on my nerves. I think the most recent harrasment I had was around last week or the week before. These 3 guys kept following me (from my school) and they were really sexual. They trapped me in the hallway during lesson time and didn't let me get out. They were putting there fingers in a peace sign over there mouth and licking so it looked like (you know what) I was uncomfortable. I tried moving away but they kept blocking me offl. The reason I moved was because a few year 10s walked by (boys) and they looked at us so the boys moved and I got my chance to move away. I still remember the look of sympathy the year 10's gave me. The harrasment still goes on today. But there's my story.

Liyla

I was walking home from school when one of the older boys shouted "slag" at me. I started walking faster and put my headphones in so he ran up behind me, put his hand over my shoulder and grabbed my boob so I pushed him into a hedge.

Mom of a BHS Student

I really admire you all for starting this organization. When I was a junior in high school, my younger sister and I were walking through an empty hallway to turn in some scheduling paperwork. As we were walking, we were attacked by a group of about 6 boys who tried to pin us against the wall. My sister was able to escape and bring help. In the meantime, the boys managed to tear at my clothes and underwear. If my sister hadn't gotten away and brought the teachers, I don't know what would have happened to us.

My parents reported the attack at the district level and tried to have us moved to another high school in the large unified high school district where we lived. The superintendent of schools knew my parents and decided that because we came from a supportive family, we didn't need to be transferred. I spent the rest of my time at this school being groped in the hallways by strangers during passing periods on a regular basis, but never bothered to report the harassment. I wish that I had an organization like yours to join and use as a way to advocate for change. As it was, most of the girls I knew were careful not to be by themselves in quiet parts of the campus. It was the kind of cautious behavior we all carried into our adult lives.

These girls in my class keep talking about me in inappropriate ways and finding ways to make physical contact, and I really don't like it. And no one is going to stop it because I'm a guy.

Evelyn

Evelyn is not my real name, it's the name I decided to use to avoid confrontation when strangers make inappropriate sexual advances. I've never told anyone that before. I'm only a freshman at Berkeley High, but I have been addressed in this manner enough times that I've found this fake name completely necessary. If I was not as outspoken as I am, I'm afraid that school would not be a safe place for me. At the beginning of the year, I was still 13, and in my language class, many of the guys were older. Because I would be in class with them all year, lying about my name when they approached me and getting away as soon as possible was not an option. Their comments began in only the second or third week of school. The boys would tell me things about how they liked my outfit, but then look me up and down and proceed to make sex noises from behind me for the rest of the class. I was addressed as 'baby' and asked if I wanted to date them. These were total strangers, and never having experienced harassment, I was repulsed but didn't know what to do. One day in class, I publicly asked to have my seat moved. The teacher responded by moving me. But I was now in the back row where I could not see or hear, and no one sat next to me. My punishment for reporting harassment was to be physically ostracized. I was lucky to have an oblivious teacher; so I was not punished for being outspoken when deciding to tell the boys off loudly and in front of the class. Soon the comments slowed. I became too difficult of a target because I quickly learned to stand up to them. However, my story is unique. Most victims of harassment feel unsafe reporting their claims, or far more endangered by their learning environment than I ever was. The worst part of this story is not even my experience, it is what they are doing now. These boys have decided to target other girls with far more vulgar and inappropriate comments as well as touching. I have spoken to these girls, and told them they can report these incidences. They have all refused, never even considering my offer. I believe this is because they don't even realize what they are experiencing is sexual harassment.They insist the boys don't mean anything by it, but it clearly upsets them. I am an upstander in the best ways I can, but I cannot report it because that would violate their trust, and they don't have the knowledge about harassment it would take to stand up for themselves. Organizations like BHS Stop Harassing are needed to give these girls a chance. They suffer in silence because no one has told them that they don't have to accept what these boys are doing to them. In all likely hood, the boys do not know that what they are doing is sexual harassment either. I've heard them make multiple jokes about sexual harassment in class, and they have clearly never been taught anything about the concept. It's importance eludes them. I say this for the first time not to call attention to my story, I don't want to be a victim, but to stress the need for education about sexual harassment in our schools. At first these boys made me feel victimized, but slowly I began to pity them. They cannot respect women, and will never gain respect because of it. These boys will never receive the attention they seek because they have never been told their methods are hurtful. Essentially, they are going nowhere because they don't respect half of our population as equal individuals. For this is pity them.

Heidi

This from the winter 2015 Ms. Magazine: At Norman (Oklahoma) High School, students walked out in protest of the administration's treatment of three teenage girls who were allegedly raped by the same male student (who has now been charged). One of the girls was bullied after a video of the assault circulated around school. when the girls approached school officials for help, they were told to leave school and "come back when it calms down next semester." The viral hashtag #YesAllDaughters was born from the activist efforts of students and their parents.

Anonymous

I have been repeatedly harassed by these 2 boys in my math class, they have commented on my outfits saying I look different or better, constantly talk about sex and around me and have asked me what guys I would rather hook up with. When I don't sit with them, they purposely come over and try to distract me or do something to get my attention. When I finally told my teacher that I wanted to be moved, and why, she told me that "they were going through a hard time" and I that everyone had a seat so I couldn't be moved. I was in that seat for 2 months before she finally moved us. I am too scared to talk or look at the boys. Whenever I see them on campus I pray that they won't see me. I didn't think that sexual harassment would ever affect me, but I have been verbally harrassed. When I was in middle school I was molested by an older man, and soon stopped trusting men with authority. Being harrassed takes me back to thow horrific places and I want to be sure that no one ever has to experience what I experienced.

Anonymous

I experience verbal harassment on a daily basis, and am occasionally groped in the hallways, but I was introduced to sexual assault a few months ago. I was walking back into school after spending time with my friends on Shattuck, when a boy asked me to accompany him to the M Building. He pulled me into the bathroom and pulled his pants down and held me against the wall, trying to kiss me. I told him to get off, but he didn't stop, and grabbed my hand, rubbing it over his penis. I managed to push him away from me and run away, but I felt gross, humiliated, and violated. Not everyone is able to get away from assault, and I recognize how lucky I was to have the ability and strength to defend myself. This situation could have been avoided completely if the boy knew more about consent, sexual harassment, and possible punishments. We need groups like BHS Stop Harassing to help educate people so that there is no confusion over what sexual harassment is and why it is absolutely wrong!

Anonymous

My first experience with sexual harassment was when I was in 6th grade, and a boy who sat at my table started making comments about my vagina (which he had never seen). The two other people at our table awkwardly avoided our gaze as he loudly talked about my private parts. I was so embarrassed and ashamed that I didn't speak up, and I felt powerless. I was afraid to see him again in school. I never told anyone, and I wish something like BHS Stop Harassing could have come to my middle school to teach me that 1. it was sexual harassment, and 2. how to stand against it and report it.

Sarah

I was walking down a crowded hall of loud and pushy students during passing period at my high school. I was just walking between classes, minding my own business. Out of nowhere, a boy who I'd never seen in my life wrapped me in a bear hug. He was tall and strong and I couldn't shove him off. He whispered something dirty in my ear and let go, to the laughter of his friends. Petrified, I muttered "excuse me", not wanting to cause a scene, and speed-walked to my classroom. I felt so powerless. Now I wish I couldn't have stood up for myself, but, in the moment, it just seemed impossible.

Heidi

There was a fantastic story about Upstanders in action in the SF Chronicle Bay Area section 1-29-15. A high profile freshman swimmer at Stanford University, Brock Turner, was charged with 5 felonies including 2 counts of rape after sexually assaulting a woman he met at a campus gathering. He was apprehended because two students passing by on bicycles stopped the attack and physically restrained Turner until the police arrived. Turner was jailed, then released on $150,000 bail. His arraignment on the charges is scheduled for Monday 2/2. He has withdrawn from Stanford and has been banned from campus.

Jane

I am constantly cat-called in the hallways, sometimes I am even groped. If I try to stand up for myself, people call me a bitch. But if I let it continue the taunts and jeers get worse. I need BHS Stop Harassing because it is a group that finally understands what I am going through.

BHS Stop Harassing

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